CAUTION: Toxic Positivity is Hazardous to Your Health

So, it has been a few months since my last blog post.  Life has been a whirlwind.  Here is an update on what has been happening.

Dave Update: Dave’s surgical biopsy was at the end of August.  The pathology came back indicating  idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis (IPF). This is not the best news as the options to slow the progression of the disease are limited.  That said, Dave started on an anti-fibrotic medication in November.  This medication is heavy-duty and harsh, and comes with some not-so-desirable side effects. We won’t know until March if the medication is having any effect.  So until then, it is one day at a time as he struggles with fatigue and breathlessness.  Dave is already on supplemental oxygen 75% of the time and will likely have to stop working by the end of February. 

Pam Update: I decided to stop endocrine therapy in August when I started to lose the feeling in my hands and arms.  As a result, I have been released from oncology care.  This is 2.5 years earlier than expected but my health is stable and there is no evidence of disease, so there is no need to continue seeing my oncologist annually unless something comes up.  I need to continue with yearly screening, remain extra vigilant, and see my family doctor for ANYTHING that comes up. Even though I am left with some long-term (and likely permanent) side effects from treatment, it looks like my cancer journey is coming to a conclusion.  HOORAY!

Moving Update: Our house is now up for sale.  It was six weeks of upheaval with professional painters, floor refinishers, bathroom reno and a large assortment of other jobs that I did on my own, but the house looks better (and cleaner) than I ever thought it could.  Now it is just a matter of waiting for the right buyer to walk through the door and fall in love with the place.  To be honest, it is heartbreaking to leave our home of almost 20 years.  And yes, I know that there is a silver lining to this: being much, much closer to our granddaughters.  However, this also brings me to the headliner topic of this blog post: toxic positivity.

The Uncomfortable Truth: In all honesty, the past three years have been constant chaos and turmoil.  First one deadly disease fought and won, and then another one without any chance of winning.  Add in managing the majority of the household, preparing for a change of residence, and dealing with cancer survivor PTSD, and I find myself in a powder keg of overwhelming stress and anxiety.  My natural reliance is wavering and I am feeling the weight of my world full force.  I need recognition that feeling this way is entirely normal.  However, if say how I feel or show any anxiety, I am told to just be more positive and to chill out.  This completely invalidates how I feel and I am left with the impression that I am unheard or misunderstood.  I will admit that my patience is wearing thin under the circumstances and frustrations are riding high, but I need just a little bit of emotional support and acknowledgement from those closest to me.  I doubt that it will be forthcoming, though.  Understandably, my nearest and dearest are wrapped up in their own worlds of worry and I will need to find the way myself.  




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